Family Tree

I have been Working on the Guildig Family Tree.
To see it click on FamilyTree.

Rules For Living in a Apartment above me.

1) Thanks to the "Bonus Gravity" provided by the apartment complex, whomever moves in above me will weigh approximately nine times their normal weight. To remind me that you got the "Bonus Gravity" deal, please make sure to stomp your huge, ham-filled feet every step you take. If I cannot track your current location to within a centimeter, you aren't doing your job.

2) The best time for your idiot friends to come over is between 2:00 and 8:00 am or whenever I'm sleeping. Once you see my lights turn off, make sure your crazy pal Eddie is on his way over with that DVD of "The World's Largest Explosions - Caught on Film!"

3) When shutting doors, pretend the Grim Reaper himself is chasing you throughout your house. Slam them as hard as possible to prevent him from sneaking into your place causing the hundreds of filthy plants you own to die.

4) Every day at 8:00 pm, you should drop something large and heavy such as:

• A refrigerator
• A wheelbarrow full of lead and concrete
• Raymond Burr's casket
• A month's collection of all the Slim Jims and Yoohoo you consume
• The entire world

If you don't have access to any of those items, then just trip and fall over. Try to at least be holding some cinder blocks while doing so.

5) The "bass" knob on your stereo stand for "Better Acoustic Sounding Songs" and should be cranked up as loud as possible to reflect quality. Try to listen only to rap, techno, and anything which features a kick drum the size of a delivery van. If the song has lyrics, you should turn the bass up so high that it sounds like the the singer is repeatedly chanting, "mwog bbblrrgm gwaf."

6) Throwing your trash off your deck is perfectly acceptable. Don't worry about the crap ending up on my porch; the invisible laser grid between our floors will instantly vaporize it before it has a chance to land!