Woman's Basketball, No can Dunk, But good Fundamentals

On 9/7/2008 Amanda and I went to our first WNBA Game, Phoenix MERCURY Vs Houston COMETS. If you are Interested in who won, Mercury 99 Comets 74. Lets put the game into a few words, Pre-game entertainment I was bored seconds after they step onto the court. Even though Woman Basketball players no can dunk the game was interesting. Time out entertainment was dull, The female cheerleaders were very hot, some of the mercury team members were hot too. The WNBA is a magnet for lesbians and old people. I was having trouble telling what was female and what was male in the audience. If my Girlfriend and I got more free tickets and had nothing better to do we would go again. Half-time Entertainment was well I can't remember(boring).
Near the end of the Game they said the Mercury team would be signing autographs for 45 mins after the game, Amanda and I use that to get out before the crowd. If you like a good joke about Woman's Basketball Check Matt Groening's Futurama episode(Amazon Women in the Mood)you can see it in re-runs on Comedy Central or you can buy the DVD of Futurama. If you can ever get a chance to talk to a Women's Basketball Player tell them you want to die by Snu Snu, you might get lucky.

Family Tree

I have been Working on the Guildig Family Tree.
To see it click on FamilyTree.

Rules For Living in a Apartment above me.

1) Thanks to the "Bonus Gravity" provided by the apartment complex, whomever moves in above me will weigh approximately nine times their normal weight. To remind me that you got the "Bonus Gravity" deal, please make sure to stomp your huge, ham-filled feet every step you take. If I cannot track your current location to within a centimeter, you aren't doing your job.

2) The best time for your idiot friends to come over is between 2:00 and 8:00 am or whenever I'm sleeping. Once you see my lights turn off, make sure your crazy pal Eddie is on his way over with that DVD of "The World's Largest Explosions - Caught on Film!"

3) When shutting doors, pretend the Grim Reaper himself is chasing you throughout your house. Slam them as hard as possible to prevent him from sneaking into your place causing the hundreds of filthy plants you own to die.

4) Every day at 8:00 pm, you should drop something large and heavy such as:

• A refrigerator
• A wheelbarrow full of lead and concrete
• Raymond Burr's casket
• A month's collection of all the Slim Jims and Yoohoo you consume
• The entire world

If you don't have access to any of those items, then just trip and fall over. Try to at least be holding some cinder blocks while doing so.

5) The "bass" knob on your stereo stand for "Better Acoustic Sounding Songs" and should be cranked up as loud as possible to reflect quality. Try to listen only to rap, techno, and anything which features a kick drum the size of a delivery van. If the song has lyrics, you should turn the bass up so high that it sounds like the the singer is repeatedly chanting, "mwog bbblrrgm gwaf."

6) Throwing your trash off your deck is perfectly acceptable. Don't worry about the crap ending up on my porch; the invisible laser grid between our floors will instantly vaporize it before it has a chance to land!

Apartment Living Part 2

I have new neighbors upstairs, One man and his two kids. You might notice it's the same Apartment as my last Blog entry. They have been a headache from day one. He has a very powerful stereo system which for the longest time he would play his bass so loud I could not hear anything else. Well his Kids make a lot of noise thumping, banging, stomping, dropping things, and generally make too much noise. I went up to speak to him about the noise and that I hear banging at night between 10 p.m. and 1 a.m. he claims they are not doing it. Well if they are not doing it because they are asleep than he is making all the noise. If anyone out there has a very good paying job available please hire me so I can get a house instead of living here!

Apartment Living

The life of an apartment resident is never boring. Tonight around 9:45 p.m. Amanda and I were getting ready for bed when we started hearing a weird noise kind of like a cat biting and pulling on paper. When we looked to see where the noise was coming from I noticed a water mark on the carpet and saw water dripping from the ceiling. Amanda put towels and a bowl down to catch the water, I went upstairs to see if the Man in the apartment above me knew about the water, Which was dripping into my apartment, I got no answer so I went back down to my apartment. I called the manager to let her know about the water, Thirty minutes or so later the Maintenance man knocked on my door. Before he showed up I heard what sounded like water running in the ceiling so I opened the screen where the air filter is and I could hear the water much louder, I grabbed a flashlight and a step stool to see where the water was coming from, at first I could not see it. When the maintenance man showed up I showed him the water coming from the ceiling and let him hear the water draining into my wall(that's right I said wall). He went up stairs to talk to the man who lived in the apartment above me, of course he was not home so he entered the apartment and found nearly 2 inches of standing water in his living room, kitchen and bathroom(turns out to be a bad toilet he told the Manager about when he moved in). Around this time about 45 minutes after the discovery of water it started to flood my kitchen and bedroom carpet, a handful of towels and a carpet shampooer later water is still dripping from ceiling. I grabbed my camera and took these two photos of the water dripping up in the ceiling.



I do have to laugh about all this because the upstairs apartment got it a lot worse than me, his really big stereo speakers got wet so I hope that I won't be hearing his bass anytime soon.

As I am writing this right now at 11:34 p.m. I can still hear water dripping into the bowl. I took more pictures of the damage to my apartment and you will see water dripping from the ceiling and towels all over the floor.




In the morning the manager said a guy would come and put a blower on my carpet. Wow that solves all the problems doesn't it. When I renew my lease I am going to make them give me new carpet and new vinyl tile.